9.28.25: Umbrella Theory

There’s a theory I have that umbrellas aren’t designed to keep you dry. They’re designed to make you look ridiculous at the exact moment you’re most vulnerable. Think about it—wind flips them, handles snap, and suddenly you’re standing in a storm, soaked, wrestling a metal skeleton like a failed magician. Meanwhile, the rain laughs. Ponchos don’t do this. Raincoats don’t either. Only umbrellas. I think they’re humanity’s way of humbling ourselves before nature. A reminder that no matter how much we engineer, sometimes the sky just wins. And you’ll look like an idiot while it does.